The Holidays - there is no denying this insanely busy time of year. Most of you reading this, well, you are well aware that I am not a fan of the Holidays.
But lately time has been adjusting my wisdom and I have begun considering things like: my parents: how long I have left with them; the same for my beautiful, 88-year old Grandmother. I think about the role I want and need to play in my three young cousins’ lives. I am single. I have no children and I have no pets (that live with me).
I’m sure I won’t be alone until the end of my days. But what if . . .
This Thanksgiving I made the usual drive along I-64 East to what I still refer to as "home", even though I haven’t lived there since I was eight. I’m not sure why this is, but every time I make that turn onto Boyscout Drive, a curvy, barely two-lane road, bordered by beautiful, huge trees and creek that runs along its side, I feel this sense of peace and calm come over me. And when my tires rattle and hum across the brick road on which my Granny's house sits, my heart skips a beat.
We did the usual - talking, meandering about the house, watching football, sneaking homemade candy and squeezing my grandmother on every pass by. I lay in the floor and played Mario Cart with two of my cousins while watching the third nap on the couch. We were summons to dinner, said grace and commenced to the feasting. 88 years old and the woman STILL puts out a full spread dinner! Amazing!
Promptly after, we all took our positions for the post-feast nap. Everybody has a spot!
By 5:30 it was time to begin the drive back to Lexington. I had packed an overnight in case I decided to stay but had not told anyone in case I really just wanted to come home.
I said my good-byes, hugged my cousins, my Granny and tooted my horn as I pulled out of the driveway.
By the time I reached the first crossroad my eyes had filled.
I continued on.
Preparing to turn onto Boyscout Dr., I took a long pause at the stop sign.
I continued on.
Around the bend of a curve I pulled off on a side street to pull myself together.
I continued on.
The last bend and I’d be to the Highway. I pulled over again.
“This is ridiculous. You are going to go home to sit there by yourself. You have nothing to do tonight and you have nowhere to be tomorrow until 6pm.”
With that, I turned the car around.Tears no long streamed but now poured freely from my eyes, and I went home.
I sat for over 2 hours drinking coffee, talking and laughing with my Grandmother. I snuggled my head along side my 12 year old cousin’s on my 21 year old cousin’s lap as she played with our hair. We watched Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. I taught them how to french braid (I think. . .) and I watched my 18 year old cousin spiff himself up before heading to his girlfriend’s house for a second dinner. I kissed them ALL goodnight.
The next morning I spent more time drinking coffee and talking to my grandmother and I spent more time with the girls. When I finally left around Noon that day, I didn’t shed a tear.
That night, my mother commented on how happy my Granny was that I had turned around and decided to stay.
I have memories now.
Ones I wouldn’t have had I kept driving; ones that will last me a lifetime.
Time passes so fast.
Time can be lost. It is the truest of truths.
But it can also be captured.
All I had to do was turn the car around.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Happy Birthday Daddy!
Happy Birthday Daddy!
Today is the 35th anniversary of his 27th birthday. You see, this time 35 years ago, my mother was pregnant with yours truly and 9 days after this day, my arrival would make Charles Clark, a father.
A father, to me at least, is a man who has physically created a child; nothing more.
To me, it is all that comes after, that makes a father a daddy.
First, let me give you some stats on this man. (I love rattling off his resume! It overwhelms me with pride!)
He is retired US Air Force- 11 years; retired US Army reserve Master Sergeant -10 years; retired Ashland Oil (Inc. for you newbies)- 31 years and is in his 23rd year teaching Computer Information Systems at Bluegrass Community & Technical College.
He met my mother in 1970 and asked her to marry him 6 months later. He ate hotdogs for 6 months to purchase her engagement ring, shipped it over to the states from England, where he was stationed. My brother (whose permission to marry his mother, was asked) placed it on her finger.
I love the look on his face when he talks about marrying her. He says there was no woman more beautiful than her. (He is right – she looked like Grace Kelly)
They have been married 38 years. I don't know of many kids who can say that these days.
He began his college days at Marshall University. This would seem normal except I think he was 30, went to class full time during the day and worked full time evening shift at Ashland Oil. I was 3, my brother was 15 and my mother had to deal with ALL of us - full time. He says he would & could have never done it if it weren't for her. I like to think of them, young, as a team; them vs the world. I like to think they won.
I remember him sleeping (when he could) in this little room that was attached to our garage. I’m sure I woke him numerous times hitting tennis balls against the building. I'm sure I didn't say I was sorry. I am.
He graduated Cum Laude four years later.
As an eight year old, I had no idea what it took for him to do that.
Today, it moves me to tears.
We moved to Lexington in 1982 with the Ashland Oil transfer.
The house my parents purchased is where I grew up and will always call “home”.
When I was 8 I joined the swim team at the neighborhood club. When I was 10 (I think) I joined a soccer team. I remember the look on his face when, during soccer practice, I asked if we were playing offense or defense. He looked at me and said “both” and when I looked COMPLETELY confused, he patiently explained it all.
I don't recall winning or losing ever being an issue. Instead I was always asked if I did the best I could do and he was proud regardless.
I don’t recall my dad ever missing a single meet or game.
Well . . . maybe once.
I was on the high school diving team. I remember telling him our meet was in E-town. The meet came and went. I was SO upset because I never spotted his face in the crowd AND he was my ride home. As I exited the building he appeared.
“Where have you BEEN???” I asked, surely with my classic annoyed tone.
“Stephanie,” he asked “WHERE are we?”
My face dropped and my heart raced.
“EKU” I replied.
“And is that E-town?” he asked.
“No. . .” I said, dropping my head.
"Well, howd'ya do tonight?" he asked.
He had driven 85 miles to Elizabethtown (E-town – like I’d told him) only to find out there was NO swim meet there, driven 117 miles back to Eastern Kentucky University (in Richmond, KY) to pick me up, then 27 miles home. It was a LONG 27 miles.
I don’t recall him seeming very upset with me although I think now, I know better.
This is just one story. One story out of hundreds I could tell you. No matter what they are or how they began, they all end the same; with a hug, a kiss and an “I love you.”
Why did I choose THESE things to tell you about my dad?
Because to me, they are examples of his love and devotion to his family, his determination to make his life better so our lives could be better, his patience in raising a daughter, and the honorable way in which he accomplished them all.
He is one of only two people I trust with my world, my life and my unconditional love.
He is unfailing.
He is my hero.
He is so much more than a father; he is all the stuff that comes after.
He is my daddy and I am so proud to be his daughter.
Happy Birthday!
I love you so very much.
Your chick a dee,
Dork-ette.
Today is the 35th anniversary of his 27th birthday. You see, this time 35 years ago, my mother was pregnant with yours truly and 9 days after this day, my arrival would make Charles Clark, a father.
A father, to me at least, is a man who has physically created a child; nothing more.
To me, it is all that comes after, that makes a father a daddy.
First, let me give you some stats on this man. (I love rattling off his resume! It overwhelms me with pride!)
He is retired US Air Force- 11 years; retired US Army reserve Master Sergeant -10 years; retired Ashland Oil (Inc. for you newbies)- 31 years and is in his 23rd year teaching Computer Information Systems at Bluegrass Community & Technical College.
He met my mother in 1970 and asked her to marry him 6 months later. He ate hotdogs for 6 months to purchase her engagement ring, shipped it over to the states from England, where he was stationed. My brother (whose permission to marry his mother, was asked) placed it on her finger.
I love the look on his face when he talks about marrying her. He says there was no woman more beautiful than her. (He is right – she looked like Grace Kelly)
They have been married 38 years. I don't know of many kids who can say that these days.
He began his college days at Marshall University. This would seem normal except I think he was 30, went to class full time during the day and worked full time evening shift at Ashland Oil. I was 3, my brother was 15 and my mother had to deal with ALL of us - full time. He says he would & could have never done it if it weren't for her. I like to think of them, young, as a team; them vs the world. I like to think they won.
I remember him sleeping (when he could) in this little room that was attached to our garage. I’m sure I woke him numerous times hitting tennis balls against the building. I'm sure I didn't say I was sorry. I am.
He graduated Cum Laude four years later.
As an eight year old, I had no idea what it took for him to do that.
Today, it moves me to tears.
We moved to Lexington in 1982 with the Ashland Oil transfer.
The house my parents purchased is where I grew up and will always call “home”.
When I was 8 I joined the swim team at the neighborhood club. When I was 10 (I think) I joined a soccer team. I remember the look on his face when, during soccer practice, I asked if we were playing offense or defense. He looked at me and said “both” and when I looked COMPLETELY confused, he patiently explained it all.
I don't recall winning or losing ever being an issue. Instead I was always asked if I did the best I could do and he was proud regardless.
I don’t recall my dad ever missing a single meet or game.
Well . . . maybe once.
I was on the high school diving team. I remember telling him our meet was in E-town. The meet came and went. I was SO upset because I never spotted his face in the crowd AND he was my ride home. As I exited the building he appeared.
“Where have you BEEN???” I asked, surely with my classic annoyed tone.
“Stephanie,” he asked “WHERE are we?”
My face dropped and my heart raced.
“EKU” I replied.
“And is that E-town?” he asked.
“No. . .” I said, dropping my head.
"Well, howd'ya do tonight?" he asked.
He had driven 85 miles to Elizabethtown (E-town – like I’d told him) only to find out there was NO swim meet there, driven 117 miles back to Eastern Kentucky University (in Richmond, KY) to pick me up, then 27 miles home. It was a LONG 27 miles.
I don’t recall him seeming very upset with me although I think now, I know better.
This is just one story. One story out of hundreds I could tell you. No matter what they are or how they began, they all end the same; with a hug, a kiss and an “I love you.”
Why did I choose THESE things to tell you about my dad?
Because to me, they are examples of his love and devotion to his family, his determination to make his life better so our lives could be better, his patience in raising a daughter, and the honorable way in which he accomplished them all.
He is one of only two people I trust with my world, my life and my unconditional love.
He is unfailing.
He is my hero.
He is so much more than a father; he is all the stuff that comes after.
He is my daddy and I am so proud to be his daughter.
Happy Birthday!
I love you so very much.
Your chick a dee,
Dork-ette.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Dinner Part 2 - and "you say Good-bye and I say Hello"
It had been the better part of a year since I had people over to my home for a dinner. Several new coworkers and others have asked the question, "why do you do all that? Special occasion?"
I know my immediate response was "no, but why not? It's what I like to do."
But I've thought about it.
I know - ME thinking about something comes as a surprise!
I resolve to this answer.
Friends, they are the people you get to choose to surround yourself with. Each of them bring something to your life, each of them have a part of MY life. I love having them near, hearing them laugh, feeling their hugs, listening to their stories and making memories with them.
When these things happen, it makes my soul settle into this amazing happiness - brought on purely by their company.
So the fact that I like to cook and tend to do it well, that Real Simple and Pier One have taught me to create an inviting, warm atmosphere, it just all boils down to being a gift perhaps.
Something I can give to them for ALL they give to me.
My friends
Are Gifts.
This past weekend was ridiculous and is causing me to head to the barn, dust off the wagon, climb aboard and sit there until a horse comes and pulls me away. I should detail out the night but all you need to know was the send-off was done and done well! Now, where is that wagon. . . or right, I need to finish this story. Short term brain cells. . . Heeeeeere short term brain cells. . .
Thursday night. . . man o man Thursday night. Thursday night was my dear friend Jacob's going away party. My liver has fallen at the hands of this man more times than I can't count.
Jacob and I met in 1998 (I think, maybe it was 1999. It IS possible he caused me to lose an entire year!) He was a bartender at a la lucie's and when he moved down the road to Le Deauville, I of course followed. Over the past 10 years he has become one of my dearest friends. TEN years. That's a long time, longer than some marriages.
He's moving to a new town, new people, new job, new everything. I am so excited for him - but the selfish side of me is going to miss walking into that bar, sitting in my seat and having a talk with NOT a bartender, but my friend. Eight hours is a long way to drive for a drink; but a drink with a good friend makes it not seem that bad.
Good friends are hard to come by. When you find them - you never want them to go. No matter how much fun they're going to have.
Fittingly enough, that same evening, I said "hello" to two friends I hadn't seen in almost 1/2 a year.
It made me realize that some things just need to be forgiven and moved past; that hugs can heal better than any spoken words and that if all else fails. . . add wine! (and maybe some tequila!)
Indeed, good friends are hard to come by.
But they are worth the wait.
Friday night. . . well hell, Friday night was the Halloween Party, but this blog has turned out way sappier than I had anticipated so as to not ruin it, I'll write about Friday night - later.
But I will leave you with this!
I know my immediate response was "no, but why not? It's what I like to do."
But I've thought about it.
I know - ME thinking about something comes as a surprise!
I resolve to this answer.
Friends, they are the people you get to choose to surround yourself with. Each of them bring something to your life, each of them have a part of MY life. I love having them near, hearing them laugh, feeling their hugs, listening to their stories and making memories with them.
When these things happen, it makes my soul settle into this amazing happiness - brought on purely by their company.
So the fact that I like to cook and tend to do it well, that Real Simple and Pier One have taught me to create an inviting, warm atmosphere, it just all boils down to being a gift perhaps.
Something I can give to them for ALL they give to me.
My friends
Are Gifts.
This past weekend was ridiculous and is causing me to head to the barn, dust off the wagon, climb aboard and sit there until a horse comes and pulls me away. I should detail out the night but all you need to know was the send-off was done and done well! Now, where is that wagon. . . or right, I need to finish this story. Short term brain cells. . . Heeeeeere short term brain cells. . .
Thursday night. . . man o man Thursday night. Thursday night was my dear friend Jacob's going away party. My liver has fallen at the hands of this man more times than I can't count.
Jacob and I met in 1998 (I think, maybe it was 1999. It IS possible he caused me to lose an entire year!) He was a bartender at a la lucie's and when he moved down the road to Le Deauville, I of course followed. Over the past 10 years he has become one of my dearest friends. TEN years. That's a long time, longer than some marriages.
He's moving to a new town, new people, new job, new everything. I am so excited for him - but the selfish side of me is going to miss walking into that bar, sitting in my seat and having a talk with NOT a bartender, but my friend. Eight hours is a long way to drive for a drink; but a drink with a good friend makes it not seem that bad.
Good friends are hard to come by. When you find them - you never want them to go. No matter how much fun they're going to have.
Fittingly enough, that same evening, I said "hello" to two friends I hadn't seen in almost 1/2 a year.
It made me realize that some things just need to be forgiven and moved past; that hugs can heal better than any spoken words and that if all else fails. . . add wine! (and maybe some tequila!)
Indeed, good friends are hard to come by.
But they are worth the wait.
Friday night. . . well hell, Friday night was the Halloween Party, but this blog has turned out way sappier than I had anticipated so as to not ruin it, I'll write about Friday night - later.
But I will leave you with this!
Monday, October 27, 2008
Dinner - Part 1
There are those days when you wake up and think, “THIS is going to be a great day”.
Then there are those you . . . well, ya just don’t. Saturday was one such day.
My eyes rolled open (in panic) about 6:20am. I had been up stuffing pork until 1am Friday night. After a mental scan of all I had yet to do, I forced myself back to sleep only for my internal “Get your ass up and go get bread” alarm to ring at 8:08am.
Jeans on, t-shirt on, mascara and lip balm so you don’t look dead . . . on.
I traveled to Wine & Market for coffee and the best focaccia known to mankind.
I met and shared coffee with Krim (the owner) and newly met neighbors. After about an hour I gathered my bread and headed for home.
Upon arriving home I, to my COMPLETE dismay (tee hee hee), discovered I had managed to nibble HALF of one loaf – GONE! Shamefully I drove BACK to Wine and Market to pick up a replacement.
On on to Mom and Dad’s to do laundry and have another cup of coffee and get some puppy play time in!
1:00pm - home again where the cleaning and furniture moving began. By the time I looked up it was 4:00pm. SERIOUSLY??? Now official panic mode set in as I threw myself to the mercy of the shower. It would have to perform a miracle on my already aching back and feet. Make-up went smooth; hair was behaving (so far) and the two Advil I chugged down with a bottle of water would hopefully scare off any further aches and pains.
It wasn’t until 5:00 pm during the 1.5 mile drive to pick up Emily that I realized exactly HOW behind I was. Now all I could do was laugh and pray for wine.
Emily was a savior. We tag-teamed the final prep - I owe my fingers to her for I surely would have chopped one . . . or two, off in haste. She poured a glass of wine for us and with a clink of the class the night commenced.
Janie was the first to arrive and became the official Illuminator of the candles.
The rest arrived around 6:30 as I finished washing the last dish of prep.
I turned to see my home, softly lit by candlelight, my beautiful friends with smiling faces and laughter coming in for a round of hugs and I woke up again.
With a deep sigh I thought, THIS is going to be a good night.
I couldn’t have been more correct.
Then there are those you . . . well, ya just don’t. Saturday was one such day.
My eyes rolled open (in panic) about 6:20am. I had been up stuffing pork until 1am Friday night. After a mental scan of all I had yet to do, I forced myself back to sleep only for my internal “Get your ass up and go get bread” alarm to ring at 8:08am.
Jeans on, t-shirt on, mascara and lip balm so you don’t look dead . . . on.
I traveled to Wine & Market for coffee and the best focaccia known to mankind.
I met and shared coffee with Krim (the owner) and newly met neighbors. After about an hour I gathered my bread and headed for home.
Upon arriving home I, to my COMPLETE dismay (tee hee hee), discovered I had managed to nibble HALF of one loaf – GONE! Shamefully I drove BACK to Wine and Market to pick up a replacement.
On on to Mom and Dad’s to do laundry and have another cup of coffee and get some puppy play time in!
1:00pm - home again where the cleaning and furniture moving began. By the time I looked up it was 4:00pm. SERIOUSLY??? Now official panic mode set in as I threw myself to the mercy of the shower. It would have to perform a miracle on my already aching back and feet. Make-up went smooth; hair was behaving (so far) and the two Advil I chugged down with a bottle of water would hopefully scare off any further aches and pains.
It wasn’t until 5:00 pm during the 1.5 mile drive to pick up Emily that I realized exactly HOW behind I was. Now all I could do was laugh and pray for wine.
Emily was a savior. We tag-teamed the final prep - I owe my fingers to her for I surely would have chopped one . . . or two, off in haste. She poured a glass of wine for us and with a clink of the class the night commenced.
Janie was the first to arrive and became the official Illuminator of the candles.
The rest arrived around 6:30 as I finished washing the last dish of prep.
I turned to see my home, softly lit by candlelight, my beautiful friends with smiling faces and laughter coming in for a round of hugs and I woke up again.
With a deep sigh I thought, THIS is going to be a good night.
I couldn’t have been more correct.
Monday, October 13, 2008
teary-eyed surprise
On September 24th my phone rang. I was in the car with my father, headed to pick up my car at the shop - again... so, I didn't answer.
I did however listen to the message.
It was my best friend of nearly 21 years.
"I wanted you to hear it from me first, TL and I married last night at sunset on the beach. It was beautiful and I'm nervous but I am so happy."
My jaw dropped.
Last night I had dinner for the first time with the newly married couple.
The better part of 10 years had disappeared into these two newlyweds as if they'd just met. They were perfect.
To see my friend, she is my family, so happy, brought tears to my eyes.
As she handed me a photo album, I couldn't contain them.
There is something about people you love finding happiness.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Why I love Fall, my home and my neighbors.
Sadly, the most recent storm claimed the life of one of our backyard trees. It needed to come down; the entire center was hollow from rot.
But this beautiful tree which once provided shade now provides warmth on a cool night and that oh so wonderful smell of campfire.
Saturday night, myself and my neighbors, an eclectic and wonderful crew, gathered on the patio for an evening of cool air, cocktails, casual chatter and yes, a beautiful, warm, wonderful smelling fire.
Welcome Fall!
We'd been waiting.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Kaboom!
Last night during Friday evening cocktails, amongst the laughter, cheek kisses and tinking glasses, all of the sudden, KABOOM!!!!
Fireworks!
Beautiful, bursting, colorful fireworks.
We all stood in the cool, night air looking to the sky with child-like grins.
What a nice surprise on such a lovely evening.
Fireworks!
Beautiful, bursting, colorful fireworks.
We all stood in the cool, night air looking to the sky with child-like grins.
What a nice surprise on such a lovely evening.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Season of change
It's hard to believe that it is mid-September. Soon, the trees will take center stage, displaying their brilliant color palate and produce crisp, crinkling sounds as the wind dances their leaves through the air. The season of change is upon us.
Perhaps the pending season has been an inspiration to me or perhaps it's just the natural progression of life. Either way, change has been in the air and it is a wondrous time.
Changes seem to have begun in June. They are sometimes unsettling in the beginning but I feel change is what happens when one grows, develops, learns and becomes more certain of how one wants to shape their life.
On July 31, I was layed off from my job. While I had a hunch it was coming, something like that is always a shock. I assure you though, the door did NOT hit me in the behind on my way out. Had I had my full wits about me, I would have skipped out of there singing a happy song. Three hours and a bottle of Pinot Noir later (straight from the bottle) I brushed up my resume and the search began.
Change. It's funny how things happen.
I have never been a fan of staffing agencies but in my mass applications I applied for a position with a legal firm which required a "good, business appropriate phone voice. After sending my resume I dialed the contact number with the thought that it would be a good idea for the contact to hear my voice. It was a staffing agency. Ugh! They called the next morning requesting an interview. Reluctantly I agreed. After a two hour interview I was told there was a position with a local engineering, construction firm they thought I would be a great fit for. Two girls were interviewing that day but they wanted to forward my resume anyhow. The next morning the call came asking if I could make a Friday interview.
It was the most wonderful interview I'd ever been on. The chemistry couldn't have been better. Monday morning, in the middle of my three hour wait at the unemployment office, I got the job offer.
So, 16 working days after my layoff, I began my new career with The Bristol Group. Change. I love love love my job. Who would have thought?
I've been decorating my loft. I love that when my friends come, they curl into my couch as if they were home. I love that they laugh and stay and chat and tell me that "It is cozy here." I love how it smells (thank you Pier One) and I love that I finally purchased a table where we can gather, eat, drink and tell stories for hours. I love my home. And still I say, "I have the best friends, the best friends, the best friends."
Forward to last Monday night. I was laying on my couch, watching football (of course) when it all completely came over me. This is the happiest I have ever been. Purely happy. THIS is MY life.
I called my mother that night, as I do every night and said to her,
"You know how you always tell me that your greatest wish in life is for your children to be happy?
Well, your wish has come true."
Perhaps the pending season has been an inspiration to me or perhaps it's just the natural progression of life. Either way, change has been in the air and it is a wondrous time.
Changes seem to have begun in June. They are sometimes unsettling in the beginning but I feel change is what happens when one grows, develops, learns and becomes more certain of how one wants to shape their life.
On July 31, I was layed off from my job. While I had a hunch it was coming, something like that is always a shock. I assure you though, the door did NOT hit me in the behind on my way out. Had I had my full wits about me, I would have skipped out of there singing a happy song. Three hours and a bottle of Pinot Noir later (straight from the bottle) I brushed up my resume and the search began.
Change. It's funny how things happen.
I have never been a fan of staffing agencies but in my mass applications I applied for a position with a legal firm which required a "good, business appropriate phone voice. After sending my resume I dialed the contact number with the thought that it would be a good idea for the contact to hear my voice. It was a staffing agency. Ugh! They called the next morning requesting an interview. Reluctantly I agreed. After a two hour interview I was told there was a position with a local engineering, construction firm they thought I would be a great fit for. Two girls were interviewing that day but they wanted to forward my resume anyhow. The next morning the call came asking if I could make a Friday interview.
It was the most wonderful interview I'd ever been on. The chemistry couldn't have been better. Monday morning, in the middle of my three hour wait at the unemployment office, I got the job offer.
So, 16 working days after my layoff, I began my new career with The Bristol Group. Change. I love love love my job. Who would have thought?
I've been decorating my loft. I love that when my friends come, they curl into my couch as if they were home. I love that they laugh and stay and chat and tell me that "It is cozy here." I love how it smells (thank you Pier One) and I love that I finally purchased a table where we can gather, eat, drink and tell stories for hours. I love my home. And still I say, "I have the best friends, the best friends, the best friends."
Forward to last Monday night. I was laying on my couch, watching football (of course) when it all completely came over me. This is the happiest I have ever been. Purely happy. THIS is MY life.
I called my mother that night, as I do every night and said to her,
"You know how you always tell me that your greatest wish in life is for your children to be happy?
Well, your wish has come true."
Monday, August 11, 2008
A day on the courts.
I wanted to write this last night. I wanted write this so bad I could barely stand it. My mind was spinning with words yet my eyes were spinning with Big Mike's margaritas and exhaustion. It was an eleven hour day for us but Oh My Goodness; was it worth it!
We're just days shy from the two year anniversary of losing our friend, Fenton, to the crash of Flight 5191. There isn't a day that goes by he isn't in each of our thoughts.
Two years ago David and I were on the phone with one another talking about our friend when he said, "You know, I was thinking. . . what if we had a volleyball tournament?" Instantly, I told him that was an amazing idea. . . not really thinking about what I would come to witness.
One year ago on August 15, 2007 the Fenton Dawson Memorial Volleyball Tournament took place. It had not even been a year since losing our friend. Our hearts still lay wide open from the loss. There were eleven teams that played that day. To be honest, it was a bit of a blur. We were all so nervous and running around, making sure everything went smooth as possible. Of course it went smooth, Dave is a meticulous organizer and planner. It was a good day. There was no doubt that we would do it again.
Yesterday, we did just that! It was the 2nd Annual Fenton Dawson Volleyball Tournament. WOW. . . I MEAN . . . W O W!!!
Seventeen teams showed up to help us celebrate our friend. SEVENTEEN TEAMS!!!
That's 102 people plus their family plus friends plus plus plus!!!
It was overwhelming and AMAZING!!!
I wish with all my heart, I could tell each and every person there how MUCH it means to us.
As I stood there watching the volleyballs being tossed into the air, I saw our plan coming together. I saw friends hugging, children playing, teams competing for the win, all the while carrying on with friendly banter across the net.
I heard laughter and I knew we had done what we set out to do.
Fenton wouldn't believe all that was for him. . .
We however, believe it is entirely about him.
I think he'd be proud.
I think he was there.
And I'm pretty sure I heard him laughing.
We love you man. .
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Lately I have. . .
- spent a lot of time pestering my parents over the telephone and with impromptu visits. This morning Dad asked me why I was calling already for the 2nd time (it wasn't noon yet). This reminded me of a time I was asked why I called my mom most every night before bedtime. I simply replied, "Because I never know when the day will come that I can't." Every day with someone you love is a blessing.
- been going to the market on Saturdays with Christie and her boys. A good friend, coffee and fresh veggies is the perfect start to a day!
- been helping a friend through a tough time. I once said that good friends carry a roll of tape in their pocket. I don't think I'll need the whole roll. . . but I'll use it if I have to!
- begun having conversations with a young lady when she answers the phone rather than immediately asking for her mother. She's growing into a beautiful person.
- been planning an event to celebrate a friend taken too soon from our lives. I'm gonna need a bigger red cooler!
- kicked some bad habits.
- begun boycotting Starbucks. It's far past time to support the local business. $10.37 got me 4 different 1/4lb. bags of delicious goodness from the Lexington Coffee & Tea Co.
- begun swinging the ole tennis racket again! Oh how I've missed the sound of that fuzzy yellow ball popping off my strings!
- soaking up the sun (yes, Mel. . . with sunscreen!)
- growing fresh herbs in my window. (I have always wanted to do this.) It took three weeks for me to bring myself to actually pick and use them. They are just soooo pretty - but they TASTE waaaaaaaay better!
- been thinking how on earth I'm going to get back into shape. Not the "Oh I ran a mile today" in shape. . . I'm talking the "holy crap, I just kicked asss for 5 miles and now I'm going to play some tennis" kinda in shape. I miss miss miss my health. (And my size 6's) I have been letting it slide; blaming my lack of motivation on work, environment and time. No more.
- been laying in the floor instead of sitting in the chair while at my parent's house on Sunday mornings. My puppy loves it. He snuggles his little self into the pit of my belly and I can reach the top of his little head with my kisses.
- been happy. . .happy. . . happy.
- been going to the market on Saturdays with Christie and her boys. A good friend, coffee and fresh veggies is the perfect start to a day!
- been helping a friend through a tough time. I once said that good friends carry a roll of tape in their pocket. I don't think I'll need the whole roll. . . but I'll use it if I have to!
- begun having conversations with a young lady when she answers the phone rather than immediately asking for her mother. She's growing into a beautiful person.
- been planning an event to celebrate a friend taken too soon from our lives. I'm gonna need a bigger red cooler!
- kicked some bad habits.
- begun boycotting Starbucks. It's far past time to support the local business. $10.37 got me 4 different 1/4lb. bags of delicious goodness from the Lexington Coffee & Tea Co.
- begun swinging the ole tennis racket again! Oh how I've missed the sound of that fuzzy yellow ball popping off my strings!
- soaking up the sun (yes, Mel. . . with sunscreen!)
- growing fresh herbs in my window. (I have always wanted to do this.) It took three weeks for me to bring myself to actually pick and use them. They are just soooo pretty - but they TASTE waaaaaaaay better!
- been thinking how on earth I'm going to get back into shape. Not the "Oh I ran a mile today" in shape. . . I'm talking the "holy crap, I just kicked asss for 5 miles and now I'm going to play some tennis" kinda in shape. I miss miss miss my health. (And my size 6's) I have been letting it slide; blaming my lack of motivation on work, environment and time. No more.
- been laying in the floor instead of sitting in the chair while at my parent's house on Sunday mornings. My puppy loves it. He snuggles his little self into the pit of my belly and I can reach the top of his little head with my kisses.
- been happy. . .happy. . . happy.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Dirt, trees and birds OH MY!
This morning as I drove to work I looked in the rear view mirror.
I like the way my hair was parted; it NEVER parts the way I want it to.
It was mild outside so I rolled my windows down and breathed the fresh air.
They’re reconstructing 68 (which is the south side of Harrodsburg Rd).
The road (for now) narrowed to two lanes. The air smelled of fresh soil.
Its rich, clay red color lie like a splash of paint against the green grass.
This is my way of ignoring the destruction of such a beautiful, scenic road.
The tops of the trees touched the blue sky and I thought about how lucky the birds were to have such a view.
Turning to the east, the sun burst into my car, warming my face.
I wished I didn’t have to be inside today. I wished I could throw on my swimsuit, grab a book and a towel and head to the pool.
It smelled so good. The cows and the horses were grazing. There was a man atop his tractor, moving bails of hay.
Most every day I go through this drive, this thought process.
I love the beauty of this earth.
But every once in a while; it means something more.
Yesterday, I received good news.
Today, I am 8 years cancer free.
I like the way my hair was parted; it NEVER parts the way I want it to.
It was mild outside so I rolled my windows down and breathed the fresh air.
They’re reconstructing 68 (which is the south side of Harrodsburg Rd).
The road (for now) narrowed to two lanes. The air smelled of fresh soil.
Its rich, clay red color lie like a splash of paint against the green grass.
This is my way of ignoring the destruction of such a beautiful, scenic road.
The tops of the trees touched the blue sky and I thought about how lucky the birds were to have such a view.
Turning to the east, the sun burst into my car, warming my face.
I wished I didn’t have to be inside today. I wished I could throw on my swimsuit, grab a book and a towel and head to the pool.
It smelled so good. The cows and the horses were grazing. There was a man atop his tractor, moving bails of hay.
Most every day I go through this drive, this thought process.
I love the beauty of this earth.
But every once in a while; it means something more.
Yesterday, I received good news.
Today, I am 8 years cancer free.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
NEED VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS FOR A DAY OF FUN!
Hi everyone!
We are hosting the 2nd Annual Fenton Dawson Volleyball Tournament.
For those unfamiliar with this event; Fenton was unfortunately aboard flight 5191 when it crashed shortly after takeoff from Lexington Bluegrass Airport on August 27, 2006. Fenton enjoyed playing volleyball and a great number of us were fortunate enough to have played with him. We have so have many fond memories of Fenton on the volleyball court and when we begin to reminisce, inevitably stories about volleyball always seem to work their way into the discussion.
We can think of no better way to remember, honor and CELEBRATE Fenton than by bringing a group of people together as friends and family for a day of being together, laughing, competing and havin fun playin a little volleyball!
After all, it is how so many of us made so many wonderful memories!
WHEN: Sunday, August 10, 2008
WHERE: KBA has graciously donated their facility for the 2nd year!
http://www. playkba. com/
TIME: Pool play begins promptly at 10:00 AM
Doors will open at 9:00 AM
COST: $100/ Team
DIVISIONS: B & C CoRec 6's (at least 2 females per team please)
D/FUN!!!
Please visit www. fdmvt. org for more details, registration forms and contact information.
ALSO – I will be posting FUN pictures and blogs for and from the tournament at:
http://fdmvt. blogspot. com/
Please send an e-mail to me at SNClark12@gmail.com if you are interested or have questions!
Thank you!
Stephanie
Friday, July 4, 2008
"I go good with cilantro."
It is the 4th of July, my favorite holiday of all! It is not the mark of a new year, or one created by Hallmark, or one you dress like anyone but yourself, nor one where many try to prove their faith by the stretching the depth of their pocketbooks.(yes, Christmas)
The 4th is something real. It means something.
Just ask your great grandfather, grandfather, father, mother, sister, brother. . .
Soldiers who have taken the position of defense, pride, honor and belief in something so much bigger than all the rest.
The 4th celebrates our independence and our freedom. It comes from the hearts and souls of the persons who believe so strongly in this country that they sacrifice everything.
I know that in this time where the economy is severely struggling, oil prices soar, our environment suffers and some people have lost common courtesy - I have to trust, believe and above all hope that this country and it's people will persevere. We can be, after all, a class act above the rest. Hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis, floods, epidemics, poverty and ruin have seen the grace of this country. Even as we face our own struggles, this country still finds ways to dig in and mend those in need.
6:50 am this morning I lay in my warm bed listening to the soft rain tap against the window. I strongly considered tucking the covers under my chin and catching a few more hours of slumber but in 15 minutes Christie and her 10 year old son, Kadir, would be arriving and I was in charge of coffee.
By 7:32 we were parked and out of the car. BANG!!!! The starting gun sounded 7:35 am - THEY'RE OFF!!! Our steps quickened.
Despite the rain the turnout for the Bluegrass 10,000 (10K - 6.2 mile race) was astounding. We sat, perched on my favorite wall at Kentucky Ave. & Main and cheered, yelled, clapped and said "hello!" to familiar and new faces!
They ranged from stroller age to those far into their years.
Through the rain there were friends laughing, dads running with sons, teams in training, goals being achieved and struggles being overcome. One man carried the American flag in one hand and a POW & MIA flag in the other. (He does this every year) I can't imagine how tired his arms are, the amount of strength (both mentally and physically) it takes for him to carry TWO full size flags for 6 miles. I imagine to him, it is a small burden to bare.
I am amazed, every year at the people I see.
I am touched at their mission and perseverance.
Kadir was THE cheerleader! "Way to go! Keep it up! You're almost there! You're not first but you sure aren't last! Hurray hurray hurray! You've made it this far! You came to finish and that is what you're gonna do! If you finish the race. . . You're a winner!" He was inspiring. His voice drew so many smiles! All of us clapped until our hands were red and sore.
It was a grand morning! It was a good analogy to cultivate. It may not be perfect conditions but the best was being made of it. There was sunshine in the rain.
Christie (with pride)to her cheering son: "Boy! I could just eat you up!"
Kadir: "I go good with cilantro."
The 4th is something real. It means something.
Just ask your great grandfather, grandfather, father, mother, sister, brother. . .
Soldiers who have taken the position of defense, pride, honor and belief in something so much bigger than all the rest.
The 4th celebrates our independence and our freedom. It comes from the hearts and souls of the persons who believe so strongly in this country that they sacrifice everything.
I know that in this time where the economy is severely struggling, oil prices soar, our environment suffers and some people have lost common courtesy - I have to trust, believe and above all hope that this country and it's people will persevere. We can be, after all, a class act above the rest. Hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis, floods, epidemics, poverty and ruin have seen the grace of this country. Even as we face our own struggles, this country still finds ways to dig in and mend those in need.
6:50 am this morning I lay in my warm bed listening to the soft rain tap against the window. I strongly considered tucking the covers under my chin and catching a few more hours of slumber but in 15 minutes Christie and her 10 year old son, Kadir, would be arriving and I was in charge of coffee.
By 7:32 we were parked and out of the car. BANG!!!! The starting gun sounded 7:35 am - THEY'RE OFF!!! Our steps quickened.
Despite the rain the turnout for the Bluegrass 10,000 (10K - 6.2 mile race) was astounding. We sat, perched on my favorite wall at Kentucky Ave. & Main and cheered, yelled, clapped and said "hello!" to familiar and new faces!
They ranged from stroller age to those far into their years.
Through the rain there were friends laughing, dads running with sons, teams in training, goals being achieved and struggles being overcome. One man carried the American flag in one hand and a POW & MIA flag in the other. (He does this every year) I can't imagine how tired his arms are, the amount of strength (both mentally and physically) it takes for him to carry TWO full size flags for 6 miles. I imagine to him, it is a small burden to bare.
I am amazed, every year at the people I see.
I am touched at their mission and perseverance.
Kadir was THE cheerleader! "Way to go! Keep it up! You're almost there! You're not first but you sure aren't last! Hurray hurray hurray! You've made it this far! You came to finish and that is what you're gonna do! If you finish the race. . . You're a winner!" He was inspiring. His voice drew so many smiles! All of us clapped until our hands were red and sore.
It was a grand morning! It was a good analogy to cultivate. It may not be perfect conditions but the best was being made of it. There was sunshine in the rain.
Christie (with pride)to her cheering son: "Boy! I could just eat you up!"
Kadir: "I go good with cilantro."
Friday, June 27, 2008
on a lighter note. . .
I found this today at the Habitat For Humanity Flea Market RIGHT HERE IN OLE NICH-VEGAS for $3.00!!!
(I took this with my phone . . . I'll post a better pic when I get home!!!)
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!
(I took this with my phone . . . I'll post a better pic when I get home!!!)
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!
Bull Frog's song
Wednesday night I visited you. The sun settled in for its evening slumber.
It was a beautiful sunset and reminded me of the many nights spent in your company.
Friends and family all around. Always smiling. Always singing. Always dancing. Always laughing.
The whistle of the brew sang a song and my gurgling sips seemed to be the chorus.
A bull frog joined in.
Darkness fell all around me but I know you stayed. Stayed to share time, stayed to share stories, and you let me cry as I told you I missed you.
Wednesday night I visited you. The field was green, the air was warm and the breeze was cool. There was silence and it was then I knew again you were gone.
It was a beautiful sunset and reminded me of the many nights spent in your company.
Friends and family all around. Always smiling. Always singing. Always dancing. Always laughing.
The whistle of the brew sang a song and my gurgling sips seemed to be the chorus.
A bull frog joined in.
Darkness fell all around me but I know you stayed. Stayed to share time, stayed to share stories, and you let me cry as I told you I missed you.
Wednesday night I visited you. The field was green, the air was warm and the breeze was cool. There was silence and it was then I knew again you were gone.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
E-mail to a friend
Happy Birthday Fenton!
Shit, I cannot believe you are 48! Yes, I know your ass still looks good.
(Doin a little shake)
No, I can't believe I've known you now for 13 years.
Ha ha ha, OMG, the party at your house for the UK NCAA tournament was so fun.
Sheesh. . . what else can you say about that night but "I woooooonnnn, I wooooon"
There should never be that much tequila consumed in a single night. . . EVER again!!!
By the way, thanks for retrieving my earring.
Wasn't that Marsha's birthday? I think so, she had some type of crown on her head all night. Unless that was a pre-party prize!!! ha ha ha
Maddie was soooooooo little. Poor kid didn't know what she was in for, having you guys for parents! She's so big now. When I call the house I'm not sure who I enjoy talking to more, Marsha or Maddie!!! Chase could care less of course!
For your birthday I bought you your very own pair of black lace thong undies. Catch is that I get to hide them randomly, ANYWHERE in the house so Marsha can find them and chew your ass! Ha! Good lord, somehow (your wife!) that story came up at your house after we'd said good-bye to you. I'm not sure your MOM found the humor in it. But the rest of us had yet ANOTHER big laugh over it.
OH MY, I miss you.
Christy and I had dinner Saturday night and talked about you for so long. The stories somehow just kept spilling out! Imagine any of us. . . telling stories!!!
I told her about Culpepper and the pool, Randy and the coozies! Poor Danny! He was all flustered. She told me about you two getting schnockered at the airport and almost missing your flight! I told her about climbing on your kitchen counter to take aerial shots of the group tequila shots. Of course the "How I met Dave" over a bottle of Maker's story. And then I heard something from Christy about "off site meetings"??? Did we have those at Ashland??? OH NOOOOOOOOO!!! We called THAT "comp time". F'ers! ha ha ha
Good times man, good good times.
One day - we're gonna make some more memories! You can count on that.
In the meantime, we are keeping shit under control for you!
Don't get me wrong, it ain't the same without ya but we do what we can.
Although, I refuse to drink your nasty ass old Bud Light!
How 'bout some Old Speckled Hen tonight?
Yea, I didn't think you'd mind!
Shit, I cannot believe you are 48! Yes, I know your ass still looks good.
(Doin a little shake)
No, I can't believe I've known you now for 13 years.
Ha ha ha, OMG, the party at your house for the UK NCAA tournament was so fun.
Sheesh. . . what else can you say about that night but "I woooooonnnn, I wooooon"
There should never be that much tequila consumed in a single night. . . EVER again!!!
By the way, thanks for retrieving my earring.
Wasn't that Marsha's birthday? I think so, she had some type of crown on her head all night. Unless that was a pre-party prize!!! ha ha ha
Maddie was soooooooo little. Poor kid didn't know what she was in for, having you guys for parents! She's so big now. When I call the house I'm not sure who I enjoy talking to more, Marsha or Maddie!!! Chase could care less of course!
For your birthday I bought you your very own pair of black lace thong undies. Catch is that I get to hide them randomly, ANYWHERE in the house so Marsha can find them and chew your ass! Ha! Good lord, somehow (your wife!) that story came up at your house after we'd said good-bye to you. I'm not sure your MOM found the humor in it. But the rest of us had yet ANOTHER big laugh over it.
OH MY, I miss you.
Christy and I had dinner Saturday night and talked about you for so long. The stories somehow just kept spilling out! Imagine any of us. . . telling stories!!!
I told her about Culpepper and the pool, Randy and the coozies! Poor Danny! He was all flustered. She told me about you two getting schnockered at the airport and almost missing your flight! I told her about climbing on your kitchen counter to take aerial shots of the group tequila shots. Of course the "How I met Dave" over a bottle of Maker's story. And then I heard something from Christy about "off site meetings"??? Did we have those at Ashland??? OH NOOOOOOOOO!!! We called THAT "comp time". F'ers! ha ha ha
Good times man, good good times.
One day - we're gonna make some more memories! You can count on that.
In the meantime, we are keeping shit under control for you!
Don't get me wrong, it ain't the same without ya but we do what we can.
Although, I refuse to drink your nasty ass old Bud Light!
How 'bout some Old Speckled Hen tonight?
Yea, I didn't think you'd mind!
Friday, June 20, 2008
How sweet it was!
It’s no surprise that I skipped out of work a little early. First things first!
Off to my boys at Midas for a little oil change, tire balance and rotation.
I had an hour . . . tap tap tap . . . what to do . . . what to do???
Marrikas! Perfect! The first vacation beer is always the tastiest!
Then there was the birthday party at Furlongs! More tasty beverages and a wonderful dinner with dear friends! I was definitely off to a good start!
10:30pm the car was FINALLY packed and I was ready for a disco nap!
A disco nap indeed it would be. I was so excited I didn’t fall asleep until almost 1:00am.
Never fear, my internal alarm went off at 3:20 am, 25 minutes before the real alarm was set to wake me.
Up and showered, “Puppy! Are you ready to go on VACATION!!!???” Wagging his tail WILDLY (as if he knew what I had said) he zoomed to the door. One last stop by my apartment (cause you know I forgot some shit) we hit I-75 SOUTH promptly at 5:00 am.
It was a beautiful, sunny, blue skied drive.
Etta (the Jetta), BJ (the puppy) and I rolled into the parking lot at 2:00 pm.
BJ and I tilted our heads to the sky and took a deep breath of ocean air.
We were finally there!!!
I’d love to have tales of debauchery but that isn’t what this trip was about.
I needed this vacation, this rest, this time for rejuvenation.
Everyday was as follows.
Up around 6:30 – Puppies are ready for their morning outing to "water" the plants!
Shorts, t-shirt, tenny-shoes – Stephanie is ready for her morning walk.
Down the beach – shoes ON!
Up the beach – shoes OFF!
Breakfast - Dad and I cooked eggs, BACON and toast while Mom hooked us up with an awesome pot of coffee!
By noon it was time to pull on the ole swimsuit and hit the beach.
When I had sufficiently cooked for the day I returned inside for a shower. It was time for dinner!
I remembered how special it is to have family meals . . . every night!
Back to the condo for a movie and then off to bed.
It was . . . perfect.
I did meet four WONDERFUL women who were also staying at the condos!
Some days on the beach were spent with them; chatting, laughing, telling stories and just being in good company. They live close enough to visit (it is such a small world).
I have no doubt that I will see them again.
They made my days much more fun. Ladies – THANK YOU!
Returning home is usually a dreaded thing but not this time!
I was rested, relaxed, rejuvenated AND returning home to see my dear friend.
It had been a year. I knew one day wasn’t going to be enough time to spend in his company but it was all that would be allowed. There were lots of hugs, lots of laughs and the most was made of the time we had. I do love you, dear Timothy! YOU make my soul sparkle!
It is now Friday, almost a full week since I returned home and not even work has been able to damper my mood. My week has flown by! It has been jam packed with friends: old and new! The weekend is predicted to be more of the same minus having to go to work, which makes it even better!
I am reminded over and over that I am blessed with the most amazing friends in the world.
They absolutely fill my life with joys that make my chest swell with love!
Man oh man; I am truly blessed with you all.
With all my might I shall hold onto this peacefulness for as long as possible.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Because it stirs my soul intensly. . .
There has always been something about music that stirs my soul. Since I was a little girl, music reached me on a different level.
Some of my first memories are of swinging in my back yard in only my butterfly underwear and a cowgirl hat, singing Dolly Parton's 'I Will Always Love You' to the top of my lungs and crying my eyes out by the end.
Even then I felt the music and the words in a way that some don't understand. Well, nothing has changed in my (almost) 35 years.
I still cry everytime I hear Fleetwood Mac's 'Landslide' and I still dance in my car anytime Cameo's 'Candy' blares from my radio speakers. (Those are just two examples of HUNDREDS!)
I'm not one to post song lyrics. It seems like the cheater way out of finding my own words to express feelings. . . kinda like buying a stupid Hallmark card. . .
Then there are times when WOW, it just hits me as hard as the fifth martini!
So here I am, taking the easy way out. My soul swells when I hear this song and I swear that I could not write these words any better.
The song is 'So Small' sung by Carrie Underwood.
What you got if you aint got love?
The kind that you just wanna give away
It's okay to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
You wanna shut the world out
And just be left alone
Don't run out on your faith
It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big, at the time
It's like a river that's so wide
It swallows you whole
While you're sittin round thinking about what you can't change
And worryin' about all the wrong things
Time's flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count, cause you can't get it back
Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
What you've been out there searchin for forever
Is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small
Some of my first memories are of swinging in my back yard in only my butterfly underwear and a cowgirl hat, singing Dolly Parton's 'I Will Always Love You' to the top of my lungs and crying my eyes out by the end.
Even then I felt the music and the words in a way that some don't understand. Well, nothing has changed in my (almost) 35 years.
I still cry everytime I hear Fleetwood Mac's 'Landslide' and I still dance in my car anytime Cameo's 'Candy' blares from my radio speakers. (Those are just two examples of HUNDREDS!)
I'm not one to post song lyrics. It seems like the cheater way out of finding my own words to express feelings. . . kinda like buying a stupid Hallmark card. . .
Then there are times when WOW, it just hits me as hard as the fifth martini!
So here I am, taking the easy way out. My soul swells when I hear this song and I swear that I could not write these words any better.
The song is 'So Small' sung by Carrie Underwood.
What you got if you aint got love?
The kind that you just wanna give away
It's okay to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
You wanna shut the world out
And just be left alone
Don't run out on your faith
It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big, at the time
It's like a river that's so wide
It swallows you whole
While you're sittin round thinking about what you can't change
And worryin' about all the wrong things
Time's flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count, cause you can't get it back
Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
What you've been out there searchin for forever
Is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small
Monday, June 16, 2008
Things you can do in a day. . .
In a day you can work, drive to the ocean, call your parents, play tennis, watch your favorite TV show, eat three meals, read a book, sing a song, go for a run, walk to the park, have a picnic, visit a neighbor, cook dinner, shop for a new pair of shoes, write a letter, fly across the Atlantic Ocean, scuba dive, video your child’s first steps, do some gardening, wish a friend a happy birthday, move to a new place, make a list of things to do, do the first thing on your list, take a friend to lunch, reorganize your desk, wash your car, paint your nails, plan a vacation, meet someone new, watch a movie, visit a friend no longer with you, visit his wife and children, build a fire, drive an unknown road, pay your bills, play with your puppy, hike a trail, kiss a loved one, get an oil change, do your laundry, go to the go to the doctor, think about all the things you can do in a day.
One thing you can’t do in only one day is spend enough time with a dear friend before he gets on a plane to go home.
One thing you can’t do in only one day is spend enough time with a dear friend before he gets on a plane to go home.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Hump Day
It’s Wednesday. Hump Day; the day when you are officially halfway to the end of the work week.
This week I am extra special happy for this day! This hump day brings me not only closer to the end of the work week but also to vacation.
As of yesterday it has been 7 months since I’ve had any type of vacation. The thought of a full seven days, lying in the sand instead of sitting in my office chair, listening to the waves roll in instead of the numbing voices of my coworkers, morning puppy kisses instead of an alarm clock and no schedule other than the one I choose, is something I am not only looking forward to but am desperately needing.
Even the 9 hour drive is peaceful.
I’ll rise around 2am on Saturday morning, have a quick shower, a good strong cup of coffee, the car will already be packed, I’ll scoop up my puppy and hit the road by 3am.
Around 5:00am I’ll pass through Knoxville, TN (it will be OH so tempting to take the Alcoa Highway for a nostalgic drive or even continue on I-75 south to that dot on the map so few people know about) but I will pass and head east on ole I-40.
By 6:30am I’ll approach the beautiful Smokey Mountains of North Carolina. As the sun wakes up it will play a game hide and go seek with me as I wind my way up the mountain. As I come down the other side around 9am, I’ll say good morning to South Carolina.
I’ll know I’m getting close when I begin to see the trees full of kudzu!
10:30 am . . . CAREFUL! Highway 22 has cops!
They got me last year . . . sneaky bastards!
(Even if they were sitting right in the middle of the highway IN PLAIN SIGHT!)
Oh well, a little crank of the volume dial and some cruise control set at 60 should keep me right!
11:30am - I’ll take a deep, salty breath and know that the next seven days are mine.
Mine all mine.
PS – I forgot just one thing.
Noon – There will be sand, a beer and a blanket. . . OH! And me; toes in the sand, sun on my face, wind in my hair . . . and waves; beautiful, blue-green, Atlantic waves. . . .
This week I am extra special happy for this day! This hump day brings me not only closer to the end of the work week but also to vacation.
As of yesterday it has been 7 months since I’ve had any type of vacation. The thought of a full seven days, lying in the sand instead of sitting in my office chair, listening to the waves roll in instead of the numbing voices of my coworkers, morning puppy kisses instead of an alarm clock and no schedule other than the one I choose, is something I am not only looking forward to but am desperately needing.
Even the 9 hour drive is peaceful.
I’ll rise around 2am on Saturday morning, have a quick shower, a good strong cup of coffee, the car will already be packed, I’ll scoop up my puppy and hit the road by 3am.
Around 5:00am I’ll pass through Knoxville, TN (it will be OH so tempting to take the Alcoa Highway for a nostalgic drive or even continue on I-75 south to that dot on the map so few people know about) but I will pass and head east on ole I-40.
By 6:30am I’ll approach the beautiful Smokey Mountains of North Carolina. As the sun wakes up it will play a game hide and go seek with me as I wind my way up the mountain. As I come down the other side around 9am, I’ll say good morning to South Carolina.
I’ll know I’m getting close when I begin to see the trees full of kudzu!
10:30 am . . . CAREFUL! Highway 22 has cops!
They got me last year . . . sneaky bastards!
(Even if they were sitting right in the middle of the highway IN PLAIN SIGHT!)
Oh well, a little crank of the volume dial and some cruise control set at 60 should keep me right!
11:30am - I’ll take a deep, salty breath and know that the next seven days are mine.
Mine all mine.
PS – I forgot just one thing.
Noon – There will be sand, a beer and a blanket. . . OH! And me; toes in the sand, sun on my face, wind in my hair . . . and waves; beautiful, blue-green, Atlantic waves. . . .
Monday, May 26, 2008
Stickers
I once had a sticker album. It was FULL of every kind of sticker imaginable. There were glitter stickers, scratch and sniff stickers, bumper stickers, Strawberry Shortcake stickers, Hello Kitty stickers, Star Wars stickers. . . You name it, I had it in there. Sometimes I would try to peel a sticker off a page. I'd grown tired of it. It didn't represent what I wanted "in" my sticker album. But inevitably, when I'd try to tear a sticker from its page, there was always a little bit left behind. Usually, I'd try to cover up the remnant of the old sticker with a new one. But I could always see some of the old underneath the new.
We are all stickers on someones page; and no matter how hard we try to peel one off or cover one up. . . there is always a little left behind.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Words, Words, Words. . . .
During a discusion over the season finalé of Grey's Anatomy with Mel, she prompted me to read her blog over her stolen word "mangerines".
After laughing and chuckling and giggling over the creation of words we further discussed my renewed love of the Thursday night TV Series.
You see, my beloved show, for all intense purposes Jumped the Shark when Izzie operated on a deer to save it's life. The show had taken a turn for the gore.
THIS is NOT why I love this show!!! I love it for its DRAMADY!!!
THAT'S right. . . except for Mel who in fact heard it fall from my lips YOU dear readers are reading it here first!
I AM CALLING IT!
By the year 2010 the Academy of TV people will have a new category!!!
DRAMADY!!!
After laughing and chuckling and giggling over the creation of words we further discussed my renewed love of the Thursday night TV Series.
You see, my beloved show, for all intense purposes Jumped the Shark when Izzie operated on a deer to save it's life. The show had taken a turn for the gore.
THIS is NOT why I love this show!!! I love it for its DRAMADY!!!
THAT'S right. . . except for Mel who in fact heard it fall from my lips YOU dear readers are reading it here first!
I AM CALLING IT!
By the year 2010 the Academy of TV people will have a new category!!!
DRAMADY!!!
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Death of a Toenail: Day 2
Yesterday ended bad for the ole toe! About 3:15pm, I rounded the corner of my desk forgetting about the 3 foot metal banner that lie against it.
WHAM! You guessed it! Toe. . . meet metal banner.
In all my sports injuries, surgery and general screw ups, I do not think I have ever experienced a pain as intense as that. (yea yea yea, if I've heard it once, I've heard it a thousand times. . . childbirth. I choose NOT to inflict pain on myself purposefully, especially one that lasts 18+ years!)
ANYWAY, I saw stars, broke out in a cold sweat and thought I was going to barf.
Tears instantly welled into my eyes as the pain continued.
Once I regained composure I, in typical Clark style, threw the banner across my office not caring where or how it landed as long as it was out of my path - FOREVER!
Instantly the swelling began forcing blood out of the two holes I made earlier in the day and within 10 minutes the throbbing began again. I'd had enough. I packed up and drove home. Two Tylenol, a HUGE glass of wine, a dish of vinegar (thanks mom!) I sat down on my couch.
45 minutes later I removed my toe from the vinegar, washed it off and examined the results of my mother's home remedy. Sure enough the soreness AND the swelling were significantly less. (GO MOM! Maybe she DOES know everything?!?! Oh God, did I just write that???)
Worn out, I wrapped my toe in a band aid and headed for bed.
Today (Day 2) feels better but looks worse. The little bit of nail that used to be adorned with "It's a Doozie Soozie" red OPI polish is now stained yellow-brown from the balsamic vinegar. (IT IS ALL I HAD PEOPLE!)
There is bruising beginning to appear on the left side and along the cuticle, further convincing me that I will in fact be losing the nail.
It's about 3:00pm in the afternoon and my toe has had enough of me sitting - runnin around - sittin - runnin around. It's beginning to throb. My left leg is now slung up on top of my desk. Sexy and VERY work appropriate!
I came prepared today with Tylenol which I will consume as soon as I finish this update.
Tonight I am going to try to pedicure the 9 survivors. I'll have to keep the "Toe of Death" unpainted. I need to make sure it doesn't become infected and all that great stuff - and yes, it's going to look Super Sexy.
I'm sure I'll come up with something. (haven't acquired the novelty band aids yet)
For now I leave you with the Day 2 pic.
Toe-ttles
WHAM! You guessed it! Toe. . . meet metal banner.
In all my sports injuries, surgery and general screw ups, I do not think I have ever experienced a pain as intense as that. (yea yea yea, if I've heard it once, I've heard it a thousand times. . . childbirth. I choose NOT to inflict pain on myself purposefully, especially one that lasts 18+ years!)
ANYWAY, I saw stars, broke out in a cold sweat and thought I was going to barf.
Tears instantly welled into my eyes as the pain continued.
Once I regained composure I, in typical Clark style, threw the banner across my office not caring where or how it landed as long as it was out of my path - FOREVER!
Instantly the swelling began forcing blood out of the two holes I made earlier in the day and within 10 minutes the throbbing began again. I'd had enough. I packed up and drove home. Two Tylenol, a HUGE glass of wine, a dish of vinegar (thanks mom!) I sat down on my couch.
45 minutes later I removed my toe from the vinegar, washed it off and examined the results of my mother's home remedy. Sure enough the soreness AND the swelling were significantly less. (GO MOM! Maybe she DOES know everything?!?! Oh God, did I just write that???)
Worn out, I wrapped my toe in a band aid and headed for bed.
Today (Day 2) feels better but looks worse. The little bit of nail that used to be adorned with "It's a Doozie Soozie" red OPI polish is now stained yellow-brown from the balsamic vinegar. (IT IS ALL I HAD PEOPLE!)
There is bruising beginning to appear on the left side and along the cuticle, further convincing me that I will in fact be losing the nail.
It's about 3:00pm in the afternoon and my toe has had enough of me sitting - runnin around - sittin - runnin around. It's beginning to throb. My left leg is now slung up on top of my desk. Sexy and VERY work appropriate!
I came prepared today with Tylenol which I will consume as soon as I finish this update.
Tonight I am going to try to pedicure the 9 survivors. I'll have to keep the "Toe of Death" unpainted. I need to make sure it doesn't become infected and all that great stuff - and yes, it's going to look Super Sexy.
I'm sure I'll come up with something. (haven't acquired the novelty band aids yet)
For now I leave you with the Day 2 pic.
Toe-ttles
Monday, May 19, 2008
Death of a toenail - still Day1
The throbbing is starting to irritate me.
It's not that it "hurts" it's just uncomfortable and annoying.
SO, deciding since the pressure COULD be relieved it is silly for me to sit here and deal with it.
Thumbtack in hand, I made the gentlest of attempts to the soft quick that lie beneath the Toenail of Death.
I should have grabbed a tissue BEFORE I began!
Blood went everywhere, as much as one big toe can produce.
I made one more puncture hole and squeezed. GENTLY!
I can't say for sure that I feel immediate relief . . . oh wait. . .I just put pressure on it - it actually feels a little better!
The death of a toenail.
It was yet another amazing weekend! The weather was every bit as diverse as my activities but all of it could not have been any better; that is until Sunday night.
Needing to blow off some built up steam I excitedly accepted an invitation from my neighbors to play tennis!
I pulled on some shorts, laced up my shoes and pulled the racket from the trunk of my car!!! Less than 15 minutes into hitting I realized that I still had "sandal toes."
"Sandal toes" are toenails grown slightly longer so that the polish looks more manicured. And yes, while they are quite lovely in my vast array of strappy summer sandals, they are not conducive to the sudden starting, stopping, sliding and cutting within the constraints of tennis shoes.
Two and a half hours and three sets later, in a dash across the court, tip of my racket connecting with the ball, a stop and pivot in the opposite direction . . .
I felt the toenail rip from its bed. I knew instantly it was not good.
It's gonna fall off, I know this. I've never lost a nail before and I've heard that it is uncomfy and not pretty. We're gonna watch and see!
I have a high tolerance for pain, so I'm not worried about that. I'm more concerned that it's summer, it's gonna look ugly and I'm really gonna miss painting it!
While at 3rd St. Stuff on Saturday I noticed a couple different novelty band aids.
I think that will be my ticket. I'm just going to keep the nine piggies perfectly pedicured and adorn one of their leaders in fancy, funny band aids.
So here we go!
Day 1
Needing to blow off some built up steam I excitedly accepted an invitation from my neighbors to play tennis!
I pulled on some shorts, laced up my shoes and pulled the racket from the trunk of my car!!! Less than 15 minutes into hitting I realized that I still had "sandal toes."
"Sandal toes" are toenails grown slightly longer so that the polish looks more manicured. And yes, while they are quite lovely in my vast array of strappy summer sandals, they are not conducive to the sudden starting, stopping, sliding and cutting within the constraints of tennis shoes.
Two and a half hours and three sets later, in a dash across the court, tip of my racket connecting with the ball, a stop and pivot in the opposite direction . . .
I felt the toenail rip from its bed. I knew instantly it was not good.
It's gonna fall off, I know this. I've never lost a nail before and I've heard that it is uncomfy and not pretty. We're gonna watch and see!
I have a high tolerance for pain, so I'm not worried about that. I'm more concerned that it's summer, it's gonna look ugly and I'm really gonna miss painting it!
While at 3rd St. Stuff on Saturday I noticed a couple different novelty band aids.
I think that will be my ticket. I'm just going to keep the nine piggies perfectly pedicured and adorn one of their leaders in fancy, funny band aids.
So here we go!
Day 1
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Wednesday I did dishes, the old fashioned way.
A little suds in the sink, some good steamy hot water. . .
Insert dirty dishes here.
Reaching for a pan I heard a horrid sound.
My favorite wine glass - even though I could not yet see it through the fluffy white suds I knew in my heart, it was broken.
I lifted it carefully from the water and sat it on the counter confirming the sound indeed belonged to the glass.
Its lip lie buried at its bottom the sharp edges were no longer inviting me to an afternoon drink. I was angry with myself for putting something so delicate in with pans to begin with.
Last night I wanted a glass of wine. As I turned towards the shelf of glasses I realized I'd have to drink from a new glass. I was a little saddened yet again that I had so carelessly broken my favorite.
But alas, I reached for a new glass, poured, and low and behold, the wine was just as good and I enjoyed it just as much. I will miss my old glass but . . .
Here's to out with the old - in with the new!
Cheers!
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
A birthday, a gift and a question answered. . .
Today would have been William Shakespeare's 444th Birthday which makes me not feel so bad about my pending 35th Birthday!!!
But FOUR HUNDRED AND FORTY FOUR YEARS.
This man's name is still not only commonly recognized but his work, his art, his passion STILL lives in every textbook, every movie and every poet's heart to this day. He is forever engraved in the history of literature.
Most of you know that I was an English major. Most of you know that I am not the most well read and that books and authors are not engraved in MY memory. So some ask WHY. . .
One day during my 29th year of life I walked into my Econ 291 class. I was a mere five classes from graduation with a Bachelors in Business - Economics degree.
I was pleasantly surprised to see an older, friendly, grey-haired man walk into class.
Someone who would be patient, speak English and I would understand. Instead, I heard the words "If you are not the strongest A or B student you should leave now. This class will make you an Economic Scientist." I got up there and then and walked to the POT to change my major. My advisor looked at me as if I were insane. Maybe I was.
"What would you like to do now Miss Clark?"
"What will get me out of here the quickest?" I asked
"English, but that is 2 1/2 more years for you. Your requirements are different now."
"Sign me up."
I had just traded my one and a half semesters for two and a half more years.
But having just lost my job, I had all the time in the world.
I re-entered college on academic probation.
My first class of my new major was a survey of 17th and 18th Century British Literature . . . at 8:00am. KILL ME!
As I sat in the front row to ensure I wouldn't fall asleep, the professor, Dr. David Miller walked in, briefcase in hand. In the silence he sat the briefcase down, its brass feet tapping the tile floor and he closed his eyes. Then in the silence, the softest, most amazing voice, filled the room with these words. . .
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments.
Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
At that moment I knew I had made the choice of my life.
I was in love. In love with the words, in love with the sound, the flow, the beauty, the passion, the feeling in every word falling from his lips.
I went on to finish my Bachelor in Arts - English degree in just 2 years.
I raised my GPA from a 1.8 to graduate with a 3.4.
My gift is being able to read, write, break down, analyze, cherish, feel, and discuss amazing works of poetry.
Had I not taken the chance by walking out of that class that day, I may never have known this. I may still think I had no gift, no passion, nothing that I was truly very very good at and loved so much.
No, I cannot quote pivotal works of literature. (Except for the one above)
I cannot talk in length about the influence of many many authors who have graced our history. But I have this gift inside me and I am blessed to know it's there.
So to William Shakespeare, Happy 444th Birthday.
Thank you for your beauty.
And to Dr. David Miller, if you ever come across this blog - thank you for that morning, at 8:00am, when you changed my life.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Two weeks. . .
Reflection. Two weeks ago, on Wednesday I walked down the hall at work. I was with a coworker who asked me why I was so happy. My reply to him was this, "Things with my friends. . . things in my friend's lives are just going so great! I feel so happy for them that my chest cannot possibly expand anymore. I am just beyond happy and giddy."
His reply, "That's what we call 'Livin the dream'".
He is so right.
It was the most pure, overwhelming, amazing feeling.
I love my friends.
By 7:50am Thursday morning that feeling couldn't have taken a harder 180 degree turn.
When someone is taken from us it leaves a hole which quickly fills with grief, sadness, anger and loneliness. In today's society where seemingly EVERY question can be Googled and answered, for this question, there is no answer and we are left to find our way from deep inside our own souls, hearts and minds.
This morning I awoke to birds singing, chilly spring air and sunshine.
This morning I made breakfast and coffee and sat on my couch and let my mind wonder out through my window and into the trees.
I thought about the past three days and the friends I have shared each of them with.
I moved to this apartment in the dead of winter. The trees were bare, the ground was cold and hard and the skies were grey.
Today, all of that is giving way to leaves, grass, flowers, sunshine . . . life.
It is the simplest reminder that even the deepest hole will not remain empty.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
so long my friend. . .
Technology is amazing, until it breaks.
R.I.P. dear dear friend.
You will be missed more than you can imagine.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Wishing my life away. . .well, sorda!
Friday Friday Friday, it’s 4:22pm. Tick Tick Tick goes the clock. I’m waiting for 5:00. Yes, I know that technically I am wishing 38 minutes of my life away. But I can’t help it, for on the other side of that 5 lies the weekend. Those coveted 2 ½ days you get to spend with friends, family, loved ones or alone.
I love the feeling of walking out of my cube. I never look back. Once I forgot my keys on my desk. I think I would have rather walked home than come back in these 3 ¾ walls. 4:30pm. 30 more minutes. I can make it 30 more minutes. I love writing during my last hour of work. It’s like putting the finishing touches on a college paper. It makes my adrenaline rush and I just turned the volume up on my iPod to match the excitement I’m feeling. 4:31. Tick tick tick. I have just enough time to tell you that the only thing I have planned for the weekend is 4th Friday, tonight with my friend Emily. Our outings are ALWAYS fun. She invited me about 2 hours ago. Until then I had no plans and was happy about it. But now I have plans and tonight will be one to talk about tomorrow - I’m sure. That’s just how it usually happens. 4:33 and counting. Oh yea – one more thing. It has rained today – all day. I looked outside and noticed that they (the city) have put up a three rail white fence along the roadside outside my window. I’ve decided that when things get rough here – I will look out my window and pretend I’m on Calumet Farm and that there are beautiful thoroughbreds off grazing in the fields. That’s exactly how beautiful the view is from my window. I am blessed to live in this beautiful state. 4:35 and it’s just a matter of time before I’ll walk into the damp spring air and head for home. A little wine before the art show should set me right. Right as rain!
4:36, it’s time to re-read this blog. 4:39. OK OK OK A little random on the thought process I’ve decided but that was a fun scribble of my thoughts. By the time I post this, straighten my desk and log off, it’ll be about 4:52. I’m stealing 8 minutes of my life back. Ha ha ha ha. Tick tick tick tick. “Happy weekend” says the clock.
“What say you”?
“Happy weekend indeed” I say.
I love the feeling of walking out of my cube. I never look back. Once I forgot my keys on my desk. I think I would have rather walked home than come back in these 3 ¾ walls. 4:30pm. 30 more minutes. I can make it 30 more minutes. I love writing during my last hour of work. It’s like putting the finishing touches on a college paper. It makes my adrenaline rush and I just turned the volume up on my iPod to match the excitement I’m feeling. 4:31. Tick tick tick. I have just enough time to tell you that the only thing I have planned for the weekend is 4th Friday, tonight with my friend Emily. Our outings are ALWAYS fun. She invited me about 2 hours ago. Until then I had no plans and was happy about it. But now I have plans and tonight will be one to talk about tomorrow - I’m sure. That’s just how it usually happens. 4:33 and counting. Oh yea – one more thing. It has rained today – all day. I looked outside and noticed that they (the city) have put up a three rail white fence along the roadside outside my window. I’ve decided that when things get rough here – I will look out my window and pretend I’m on Calumet Farm and that there are beautiful thoroughbreds off grazing in the fields. That’s exactly how beautiful the view is from my window. I am blessed to live in this beautiful state. 4:35 and it’s just a matter of time before I’ll walk into the damp spring air and head for home. A little wine before the art show should set me right. Right as rain!
4:36, it’s time to re-read this blog. 4:39. OK OK OK A little random on the thought process I’ve decided but that was a fun scribble of my thoughts. By the time I post this, straighten my desk and log off, it’ll be about 4:52. I’m stealing 8 minutes of my life back. Ha ha ha ha. Tick tick tick tick. “Happy weekend” says the clock.
“What say you”?
“Happy weekend indeed” I say.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Springy Spring Springing
Knowing that we yet have Dogwood Winter and Blackberry Winter to weather I have managed to NOT catch Spring Fever. BUT today, I hopped in Etta and headed towards home.
I put my sunroof back and rolled my windows down.
The wind whipped through my hair and my nostrils opened wide to receive the fresh air.
And even though I still had my seat warmer on, it was official - the bug had bitten.
Dear Spring:
I am waiting!
I put my sunroof back and rolled my windows down.
The wind whipped through my hair and my nostrils opened wide to receive the fresh air.
And even though I still had my seat warmer on, it was official - the bug had bitten.
Dear Spring:
I am waiting!
As random as me
My thoughts are all over the place today.
I can't keep it straight. HA - Shocker.
So here is the list or should I say RANT - just to help me work it out.
- Just because I choose to eat lunch at my desk does NOT mean that I am working. I AM IN FACT AT LUNCH. You may see me, but I'm not here. DO NOT TALK TO ME OR ASK ME FOR ANYTHING until the food is removed from my desk and the somewhat relaxed look is gone from my face!
- Old men in sweater vests should not hit on women. You look stupid and your sweater smells like moth balls. GROSS!
- I love my dog. He makes me purely happy. When he crawls into my lap and takes a deep breath, my world is perfecty content.
- Green beer scares me. I can only imagine that it makes all your insides green and scary looking. Nevermind the fact that I'm drinking enough beer that the green dye would probably come through my pores the next morning.
- I am opinionated. Just because my opinion varies 180 degrees from yours does NOT make me a bitch. Get over yourself and realize that you are not the only person with strong ideas and convictions.
- I love a good set of soft soft sheets.
- Men under the age of 30 should have to wear green wristbands so that I know to stay way the hell away.
- I wear my sunglasses on my head EVEN when it is raining. WHY? Because I can't find a fucking headband that makes my hair look as good as my sunglasses. THAT'S WHY!!!
- If you don't like what you're doing with your life FIX IT. Do not whine and complain and make people feel sorry for you - FIX IT. (side bar - I SO need to listen to my own words sometimes - I admit this!!!!!!)
- Ignorance is NOT an excuse.
- At the end of a long day or any day, I love the sound of my mother's voice.
I can't keep it straight. HA - Shocker.
So here is the list or should I say RANT - just to help me work it out.
- Just because I choose to eat lunch at my desk does NOT mean that I am working. I AM IN FACT AT LUNCH. You may see me, but I'm not here. DO NOT TALK TO ME OR ASK ME FOR ANYTHING until the food is removed from my desk and the somewhat relaxed look is gone from my face!
- Old men in sweater vests should not hit on women. You look stupid and your sweater smells like moth balls. GROSS!
- I love my dog. He makes me purely happy. When he crawls into my lap and takes a deep breath, my world is perfecty content.
- Green beer scares me. I can only imagine that it makes all your insides green and scary looking. Nevermind the fact that I'm drinking enough beer that the green dye would probably come through my pores the next morning.
- I am opinionated. Just because my opinion varies 180 degrees from yours does NOT make me a bitch. Get over yourself and realize that you are not the only person with strong ideas and convictions.
- I love a good set of soft soft sheets.
- Men under the age of 30 should have to wear green wristbands so that I know to stay way the hell away.
- I wear my sunglasses on my head EVEN when it is raining. WHY? Because I can't find a fucking headband that makes my hair look as good as my sunglasses. THAT'S WHY!!!
- If you don't like what you're doing with your life FIX IT. Do not whine and complain and make people feel sorry for you - FIX IT. (side bar - I SO need to listen to my own words sometimes - I admit this!!!!!!)
- Ignorance is NOT an excuse.
- At the end of a long day or any day, I love the sound of my mother's voice.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Mirror Mirror. . .
Lately, I have been thinking about the positives and the negatives of life.
These past two weeks have been a test, both personally and professionally and I am learning a lot about myself.
I am not an easy friend to have. I have high expectations of my friends.
Sometimes my my high expectations force me to look at myself and often that is where I find my lessons.
Case #1. I feel like / hope that I am that friend you can call at 4am. I hope that people call me because I take time to listen. I hope that I am that friend who would drop anything if someone needed my help. Sometimes I wonder if I needed one of you; would you be there?
Answer#1. I thought long and hard about this week. This has been a rough week. There are those of you I lean on every day in some way or another. You listen, often to yesterday’s dilemma again today. You console and support me. This week I have felt loved and embraced. I needed you and you were here. Sometimes I forget that I have you not just when the shit hits the fan, but I have you daily. I need to appreciate that more.
Lesson#1 I need to always focus on being a good friend for the sake of being a good friend – not for what I will receive in return.
Case # 2 Someone I love has hurt me. I have been angry angry angry. Yesterday I was sad and then I was angry because I was sad. I wondered why, all of the sudden I was sooooo intensely sad.
Answer# 2 I feel like I lost a friend. Someone whose outlook on life and daily input to mine, I valued. I miss our conversation as much as I would miss any of you reading this now. It is that loss that saddens me. I know that one day I will forgive it, fix this and I will have my friend back.
Lesson # 2 Realizing that people are brought in and out of my life for a reason. It is entirely up to me to find the reason and be ok with the fact that it may not be what I originally thought.
Case # 3 Last night I was invited out with friends. They had other friends with them, one of whom was boisterous, to put it nicely. I have a “look” that comes over my face when I am irritated. Apparently it is not nice. And this woman received the look. My friends brought this to my attention and I defended my actions.
Answer # 3 My actions were far worse than the behavior of that woman. I woke up feeling embarrassed.
My friends invited me out and there is a good chance my behavior embarrassed them.
Lesson # 3 It is not my place to pass judgment on ones behavior when mine lacks so much. I need to appreciate my friends for the fact that I get to spend time with them. And that even an apology does'nt make you feel better sometimes but a hug always does.
It’s been good to write this down. Taking a good hard look at myself is something I need to do more often.
I feel good, energetic!!! A good weekend of rest will be just what I need to get my mind right. “Right as Rain” as someone would say!!!
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Oh happy day!
Grrrrrrr!!! My eyes cracked open at 5:45am this morning. SERIOUSLY!
Sleepy sleepy sleepy. I flopped one leg over my warm blankets and closed my eyes.
"it smells good in here"
Deep breath.
7:19am bink bink bink. Three lingering text messages arrive that put a grin on my face.
Sleepy Sleepy Sleepy. Good morning conversation.
Streeeeeeeeeeetch
Coffee - mmmmmmmm coffee. Computer on.
I look over my shoulder from the computer.
"i love my home. oh my god - i love my home."
The coffee pot gurgled a tune to let me know it was ready to join me.
Turn around - the sun had begun to pour through my window.
Last night was Friday night. I had the most amazing dinner with my parents.
I'm sure I talked their ears off - I love them so much. On the way home I drove by my favorite restaurant, planning to stop for a glass of wine but less than three blocks away was home. As I bypassed the parking place that was seemingly awaiting my arrival, I realized how in love with my new home I am.
Coffee is so good in the morning - especially when it serves the purpose "enjoyment" rather than "necessity".
I turn again.
"i need my camera . . . get the camera"
Sara Bareilles sings to me; she's not going to write me a love song.
But I don't need one.
Monday, January 28, 2008
I love vintage!
This afternoon in the middle of yet another fabulous Monday, I was handed a pleasant surprise.
It was in fact a beautiful, dull black Polaroid camera.
It reminded me of being 7, playing tennis in the back yard (hitting the ball against the wall of the garage). My parent's brown Datsun wagon and pictures of my first puppy, Fritz - standing on the tree stump in our front yard.
I ogled it with glee, and said "OH MY GOSH, DOES IT WORK??"
She took the camera, flipped it open, snapped a picture of me and Voi La!
A few shakes and 5 minutes later there I was - imaged on the finest Polaroid paper the 80's made!
It is big, clunky, has the worst color quality ever AND instant gratification!
It was the highlight of my Monday.
Monday, January 14, 2008
The Top 10 Things My Parents Taught Me.
1. Don’t lie.
2. No cheating. If you can’t win fair and square then just don’t play.
3. Always finish your veggies and milk, you may not like them now but they will help you in the long run.
4. Tell people how you feel, no one can read your mind.
5. Always try to talk things out. Fighting never provides solutions.
6. Share.
7. Don’t be afraid to try something new unless it’s drugs.
8. Treat people with love and respect even when it’s not reciprocated.
9. If you are to be somewhere at a certain time, be there. Not 5 minutes before and not 5 minutes late.
10. If you say you’re going to do something – DO IT.
2. No cheating. If you can’t win fair and square then just don’t play.
3. Always finish your veggies and milk, you may not like them now but they will help you in the long run.
4. Tell people how you feel, no one can read your mind.
5. Always try to talk things out. Fighting never provides solutions.
6. Share.
7. Don’t be afraid to try something new unless it’s drugs.
8. Treat people with love and respect even when it’s not reciprocated.
9. If you are to be somewhere at a certain time, be there. Not 5 minutes before and not 5 minutes late.
10. If you say you’re going to do something – DO IT.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Welcome Home
Today marked the end of the second week I've lived alone, although I'd hardly say I've been alone.
Today I tried to remember a day since I moved that someone hasn't been at my place.
I'm not too sure there has been. I admit, I have loved, treasured and relished in every moment. Waking up with friends in the house, more friends arriving, a fresh pot of coffee, the sound of my knife as it slices through potatoes and the sound of bacon love sizzling in the pan while Nikki stands its guard. Breakfast at "my" place has become rather a Sunday tradition (when time allows).
My new place. I love this place. It's small and cozy and mine all mine. It's far from the picture perfect homes in which I have lived in the past but I believe it actually embraces me as I walk through the door. "Welcome home" I say every time I top my stairs and in it's own way, it answers back.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
COMING SOON
New blogs coming soon to the Pinwheel Princess.
"Welcome home"
"Sex and the Ghetto"
"One friend at a time" (A monthly post, I hope. You'll see)
"Welcome home"
"Sex and the Ghetto"
"One friend at a time" (A monthly post, I hope. You'll see)
blog blog blog
A few of you have been asking me to update this blog site. Sheesh – ok – ok – ok.
Truth is you all know I have been in a crappy mood since the mid-November.
A break-up, the holidays (I hate the holidays) and a move (which was great – except for the actual MOVING part.)
You’ve all heard about it and you all know the story so why write about it?
I’ve had nothing nice to say.
But finally, about a week and a half ago, my icy attitude took a turn toward the warmer side.
Finally, from the cozy warmth of my new apartment (which is FABULOUS!) I felt the tingle.
I remember the moment well; it was New Year’s Eve and I was off work. It was the 2nd morning I had woken in MY place. I brewed a pot of coffee and sat at my computer chatting with the girls. This is what I’d waited 6 months for. It was peaceful. AnnaMarie was at work and we had decided to have lunch.
I picked her up from the library and we headed to 3rd St. Stuff.
AnnaMarie.
This woman . . . I could try to explain her but there are no words. Well, maybe a few. She’s one of those people you love with your whole being. She can melt a bad mood with her hugs, lift your heart with her voice and fill your belly with potatoes. Almost immediately the words came from her mouth, “Girl, it is SOOOO good to see you happy.” Initially I thought – “Well, hell!!! I slept in, it’s New Year’s Eve, I have a great new place, I’m NOT at work, I have a latté in front of me and one of my dearest friends! If this won’t put me in a good mood I may as well dissolve into the concrete!”
But I knew what she meant.
And I know as well as anyone that happiness is a choice. We make it every moment of every day.
It was a long month – December.
There are still things that I miss with my whole heart every day . . . but I missed me more.
Truth is you all know I have been in a crappy mood since the mid-November.
A break-up, the holidays (I hate the holidays) and a move (which was great – except for the actual MOVING part.)
You’ve all heard about it and you all know the story so why write about it?
I’ve had nothing nice to say.
But finally, about a week and a half ago, my icy attitude took a turn toward the warmer side.
Finally, from the cozy warmth of my new apartment (which is FABULOUS!) I felt the tingle.
I remember the moment well; it was New Year’s Eve and I was off work. It was the 2nd morning I had woken in MY place. I brewed a pot of coffee and sat at my computer chatting with the girls. This is what I’d waited 6 months for. It was peaceful. AnnaMarie was at work and we had decided to have lunch.
I picked her up from the library and we headed to 3rd St. Stuff.
AnnaMarie.
This woman . . . I could try to explain her but there are no words. Well, maybe a few. She’s one of those people you love with your whole being. She can melt a bad mood with her hugs, lift your heart with her voice and fill your belly with potatoes. Almost immediately the words came from her mouth, “Girl, it is SOOOO good to see you happy.” Initially I thought – “Well, hell!!! I slept in, it’s New Year’s Eve, I have a great new place, I’m NOT at work, I have a latté in front of me and one of my dearest friends! If this won’t put me in a good mood I may as well dissolve into the concrete!”
But I knew what she meant.
And I know as well as anyone that happiness is a choice. We make it every moment of every day.
It was a long month – December.
There are still things that I miss with my whole heart every day . . . but I missed me more.
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