Wishing my life away. . .well, sorda!

Friday Friday Friday, it’s 4:22pm. Tick Tick Tick goes the clock. I’m waiting for 5:00. Yes, I know that technically I am wishing 38 minutes of my life away. But I can’t help it, for on the other side of that 5 lies the weekend. Those coveted 2 ½ days you get to spend with friends, family, loved ones or alone.
I love the feeling of walking out of my cube. I never look back. Once I forgot my keys on my desk. I think I would have rather walked home than come back in these 3 ¾ walls. 4:30pm. 30 more minutes. I can make it 30 more minutes. I love writing during my last hour of work. It’s like putting the finishing touches on a college paper. It makes my adrenaline rush and I just turned the volume up on my iPod to match the excitement I’m feeling. 4:31. Tick tick tick. I have just enough time to tell you that the only thing I have planned for the weekend is 4th Friday, tonight with my friend Emily. Our outings are ALWAYS fun. She invited me about 2 hours ago. Until then I had no plans and was happy about it. But now I have plans and tonight will be one to talk about tomorrow - I’m sure. That’s just how it usually happens. 4:33 and counting. Oh yea – one more thing. It has rained today – all day. I looked outside and noticed that they (the city) have put up a three rail white fence along the roadside outside my window. I’ve decided that when things get rough here – I will look out my window and pretend I’m on Calumet Farm and that there are beautiful thoroughbreds off grazing in the fields. That’s exactly how beautiful the view is from my window. I am blessed to live in this beautiful state. 4:35 and it’s just a matter of time before I’ll walk into the damp spring air and head for home. A little wine before the art show should set me right. Right as rain!
4:36, it’s time to re-read this blog. 4:39. OK OK OK A little random on the thought process I’ve decided but that was a fun scribble of my thoughts. By the time I post this, straighten my desk and log off, it’ll be about 4:52. I’m stealing 8 minutes of my life back. Ha ha ha ha. Tick tick tick tick. “Happy weekend” says the clock.
“What say you”?
“Happy weekend indeed” I say.

Springy Spring Springing

Knowing that we yet have Dogwood Winter and Blackberry Winter to weather I have managed to NOT catch Spring Fever. BUT today, I hopped in Etta and headed towards home.
I put my sunroof back and rolled my windows down.
The wind whipped through my hair and my nostrils opened wide to receive the fresh air.
And even though I still had my seat warmer on, it was official - the bug had bitten.
Dear Spring:
I am waiting!

As random as me

My thoughts are all over the place today.
I can't keep it straight. HA - Shocker.

So here is the list or should I say RANT - just to help me work it out.

- Just because I choose to eat lunch at my desk does NOT mean that I am working. I AM IN FACT AT LUNCH. You may see me, but I'm not here. DO NOT TALK TO ME OR ASK ME FOR ANYTHING until the food is removed from my desk and the somewhat relaxed look is gone from my face!

- Old men in sweater vests should not hit on women. You look stupid and your sweater smells like moth balls. GROSS!

- I love my dog. He makes me purely happy. When he crawls into my lap and takes a deep breath, my world is perfecty content.

- Green beer scares me. I can only imagine that it makes all your insides green and scary looking. Nevermind the fact that I'm drinking enough beer that the green dye would probably come through my pores the next morning.

- I am opinionated. Just because my opinion varies 180 degrees from yours does NOT make me a bitch. Get over yourself and realize that you are not the only person with strong ideas and convictions.

- I love a good set of soft soft sheets.

- Men under the age of 30 should have to wear green wristbands so that I know to stay way the hell away.

- I wear my sunglasses on my head EVEN when it is raining. WHY? Because I can't find a fucking headband that makes my hair look as good as my sunglasses. THAT'S WHY!!!

- If you don't like what you're doing with your life FIX IT. Do not whine and complain and make people feel sorry for you - FIX IT. (side bar - I SO need to listen to my own words sometimes - I admit this!!!!!!)

- Ignorance is NOT an excuse.

- At the end of a long day or any day, I love the sound of my mother's voice.

Mirror Mirror. . .

Lately, I have been thinking about the positives and the negatives of life.
These past two weeks have been a test, both personally and professionally and I am learning a lot about myself.
I am not an easy friend to have. I have high expectations of my friends.
Sometimes my my high expectations force me to look at myself and often that is where I find my lessons.

Case #1. I feel like / hope that I am that friend you can call at 4am. I hope that people call me because I take time to listen. I hope that I am that friend who would drop anything if someone needed my help. Sometimes I wonder if I needed one of you; would you be there?

Answer#1. I thought long and hard about this week. This has been a rough week. There are those of you I lean on every day in some way or another. You listen, often to yesterday’s dilemma again today. You console and support me. This week I have felt loved and embraced. I needed you and you were here. Sometimes I forget that I have you not just when the shit hits the fan, but I have you daily. I need to appreciate that more.

Lesson#1 I need to always focus on being a good friend for the sake of being a good friend – not for what I will receive in return.

Case # 2 Someone I love has hurt me. I have been angry angry angry. Yesterday I was sad and then I was angry because I was sad. I wondered why, all of the sudden I was sooooo intensely sad.

Answer# 2 I feel like I lost a friend. Someone whose outlook on life and daily input to mine, I valued. I miss our conversation as much as I would miss any of you reading this now. It is that loss that saddens me. I know that one day I will forgive it, fix this and I will have my friend back.

Lesson # 2 Realizing that people are brought in and out of my life for a reason. It is entirely up to me to find the reason and be ok with the fact that it may not be what I originally thought.

Case # 3 Last night I was invited out with friends. They had other friends with them, one of whom was boisterous, to put it nicely. I have a “look” that comes over my face when I am irritated. Apparently it is not nice. And this woman received the look. My friends brought this to my attention and I defended my actions.

Answer # 3 My actions were far worse than the behavior of that woman. I woke up feeling embarrassed.
My friends invited me out and there is a good chance my behavior embarrassed them.

Lesson # 3 It is not my place to pass judgment on ones behavior when mine lacks so much. I need to appreciate my friends for the fact that I get to spend time with them. And that even an apology does'nt make you feel better sometimes but a hug always does.

It’s been good to write this down. Taking a good hard look at myself is something I need to do more often.
I feel good, energetic!!! A good weekend of rest will be just what I need to get my mind right. “Right as Rain” as someone would say!!!