Lately, I have been thinking about the positives and the negatives of life.
These past two weeks have been a test, both personally and professionally and I am learning a lot about myself.
I am not an easy friend to have. I have high expectations of my friends.
Sometimes my my high expectations force me to look at myself and often that is where I find my lessons.
Case #1. I feel like / hope that I am that friend you can call at 4am. I hope that people call me because I take time to listen. I hope that I am that friend who would drop anything if someone needed my help. Sometimes I wonder if I needed one of you; would you be there?
Answer#1. I thought long and hard about this week. This has been a rough week. There are those of you I lean on every day in some way or another. You listen, often to yesterday’s dilemma again today. You console and support me. This week I have felt loved and embraced. I needed you and you were here. Sometimes I forget that I have you not just when the shit hits the fan, but I have you daily. I need to appreciate that more.
Lesson#1 I need to always focus on being a good friend for the sake of being a good friend – not for what I will receive in return.
Case # 2 Someone I love has hurt me. I have been angry angry angry. Yesterday I was sad and then I was angry because I was sad. I wondered why, all of the sudden I was sooooo intensely sad.
Answer# 2 I feel like I lost a friend. Someone whose outlook on life and daily input to mine, I valued. I miss our conversation as much as I would miss any of you reading this now. It is that loss that saddens me. I know that one day I will forgive it, fix this and I will have my friend back.
Lesson # 2 Realizing that people are brought in and out of my life for a reason. It is entirely up to me to find the reason and be ok with the fact that it may not be what I originally thought.
Case # 3 Last night I was invited out with friends. They had other friends with them, one of whom was boisterous, to put it nicely. I have a “look” that comes over my face when I am irritated. Apparently it is not nice. And this woman received the look. My friends brought this to my attention and I defended my actions.
Answer # 3 My actions were far worse than the behavior of that woman. I woke up feeling embarrassed.
My friends invited me out and there is a good chance my behavior embarrassed them.
Lesson # 3 It is not my place to pass judgment on ones behavior when mine lacks so much. I need to appreciate my friends for the fact that I get to spend time with them. And that even an apology does'nt make you feel better sometimes but a hug always does.
It’s been good to write this down. Taking a good hard look at myself is something I need to do more often.
I feel good, energetic!!! A good weekend of rest will be just what I need to get my mind right. “Right as Rain” as someone would say!!!
